I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
