they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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