You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
