My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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