dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
