I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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