They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
