jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
