I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
