yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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