i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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