just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
