the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
