"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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