I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
