I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
