Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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