Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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