he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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