so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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