Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
