U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i love accidental penises.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
