After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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