walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
