I love black thongs
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
