You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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