mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
