I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
