38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
