Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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