We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Welp...herpes.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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