Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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