I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
