i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
