I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
