Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
