i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
