I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
