I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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