come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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