it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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