Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
