life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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