I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
