Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
