This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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