apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
