just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
