you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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