so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She swung at the pinata with crutches
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
