well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
