I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
