I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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