please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
