my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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